guess what? my tabulas isn't working again. this is such a bad fallback. :))

i can feel stress. yes i do. not because of the subjects. but because of the people around me and the struggle of commuting everyday. :| rarrr. whatever. i don't feel school anymore. i don't even feel i'm in UP. it's like, okay, UP.. and so? i know i'm being a bum but i can't help it. physical stress gives me mental stress. kaya di ako makapagisip ng matino. imagine. naaantok na ako sa classsss. as in. halos every subject, on the verge of sleeping na ako :| GRAARR. [eh nung highschool ako, never ko nafeel na sobrang antukin kasi feel ko masama na akong tao pagnatulog ako sa class. i know. i'm such a loserface.]

can i just say? SHE makes me SICK. as in. BLECH. :| 

KUYA, I don't appreciate you anymore. You're like any other guy. Which sucks. Cause I thought it'd.. you'd be different.

and you [the cause of my present insanity], i won't mind you anymore. bahala ka na. it's a one-way road. one-way roads are pitiful.. and depressing. 
.....................stalking is bad. people, teach me how to refuse the urge of stalking :|

[acad] i know i'm not meant for the sciences. i know. i really do. i can feel it in my heart and in my mind. my heart throbs for the ARTS. it's my world. but i guess practicality should always be the top priority. and practicality makes me loathe my country so much. 

i don't know for many but i, personally, have learned this: growing up in this country as a middle-class citizen, following your heart and passion is never the way of life.  [oh well. baka sakin lang to applicable.]

career-pathing is not helpful. :|

i love You. You rock my world. 

-----
this is a new world for me.
this is a new me for the world.
-----

Today falls into two. A :) and a :(.

:)
... I got to recite a lot in Comm1 which wasn't me cause I don't like reciting at all.
... I talked to someone I didn't like and turned out it was an o-kay convo. BUT still, I don't like her at all.
... I got to eat this Cheese Floss from BreadTalk at RobManila a while ago. It was heavenly. 
... Arrived early at home. Got to release all that stresses me out to my mom.
... Got to eat Sinigang na hipon for dinner. I miss soup.
... Passed that crappy quiz in History1. 

:(
... Stuttered while reciting. Well, for once only, but still. You know how i am, that's not acceptable.
... Waited 30 minutes under the scorching heat of the sun for a jeepney. GRAR. Talk about the advantages of being early. Rawwwr.
... LRT and MRT where so jam-packed as per usual, but today was different. Three trains have passed before I got to had that chance to "force" myself inside. :|
... NatSci1 was.............. something. I don' t know how to say it, but it gives me such miserable feeling.
... Got a mistake in that shitty quiz in History. I should have known where the Banaue Rice Terraces is. 
... I still wanna shut the hell out of that girl I really really don't like eversince I saw her face. :| I have nothing against her face but her way of self isn't so likeable at all.
... I am not KINDA cramming anymore. I miss cramming.
....Speaking of cramming. GAAAH, do you know how much I miss highschool? I miss St. Paul College Pasig. As in, super. :| Even though I was itching to get out of that school's claws before, I STILL MISS IT. THEM. Rawr. I miss my Paulinian friends. I even miss some teacherssss. See. Look how FUN college is. :|
... I miss being so blahpfftcrr of whatever time, of whatever thing. I miss the craziness. ALL OF IT.
... I miss all the illusions. [I know, it's weird but forgive me.] FANGIRLING makes my day. Now, I can't do that anymore, my life has been soooooo fun-er. :|
... I am going nowhere. HELP ME.

~~~~
I MISS SUPER JUNIOR. [O ayan, naiiyak na talaga ako.] I miss KIBUM. I MISS YOUUUUU. SUPER. :'( 
~~~
"CAN I SIT BESIDE YOU AND WATCH YOU SMILE?"
~~~
Someone, make my day please? :( OMG. Bipolar mode. Or whatev. I feel soooo sad na tuloy. :| GRARRRR.






LORD. HELP? :(
I love you, you know that. :)

and my first real day wasn't so bad at all. Thank You Lord.

Arrived at UPmanila around 7:30 am when my first class starts at 10 am. How cool is that, huh? :)) Sayang daw kasi yung libreng sakay sa mrt at lrt. :)) Earliest bird among the early birds. :| 

I CAN DO THIS. I believe in myself. I will change the bad ways I did when I was in highschool.

Got to read 2 chapters for Nat Sci1. And another topic for His1. Cmonn. First day in UPM is such a fun experience. :| :))

I MISS MY SUPER JUNIOR. I MISS MY KIBUM SO MUCH.
 

YES. And I can feel it. I've been talking to highschool friends lately and i've realized we're on different paths already. Well, I'm just about to take mine so the level of my insanity just blows me off. TIME! Please hold on. I can't keep up. I just can't... Or I just don't like to. My feelings are so mixed up. I don't know if I'm ready or if I'm really sure about this part of my "life".  PFFT.

College is a big thing for me. Or just so people tell me it is. I need to aim higher than any "higher" I've done in my life. I need to do my best, like this is what my heart really beats for. Cause if not, I just don't know what will happen to me. In UP or any university particular, I need to be independent. AND I AM NOT. I'm kind of afraid to learn to be. ACK. I hate being stubborn.

Looking at my blockmates-slash-coursemates(?), I can't help but to feel inferior. They are just soooo above me. Almost all of them are like valedictorians of their own school, if not one of the honor rolls. :| I mean, cmon. ME? I'm not even an awardee. I know I shouldn't be like minding about others' business and all cause school isn't about competition, it's about learning. I KNOW. BUT. YEAH. Blaaah. Can someone please teach me not to becompetitive? 

HMM.

I MISS MY III-1 AND IV-3. My bibbos and my tomatoes. AND MY FRIENDS. shet. ALL OF YOU GUYS ARE SUCH A BIG PART OF ME. It's just so sad that we won't get to bond that much anymore. I miss all the talks, the laugh trip, food trip and partiiiies. CMON. :)) Hahaha. I guess it's really part of growing up. We really have to move on. But I will not ever lose contact with all of you that's for sure.
~~~
Anyway, yeah. I've switched to livejournal. Cause my tabulas is playing shit with me. How come I've shared a lot with my tabulas and yet it betrayed me. Wtf. :)) I know people won't be able to read much my entries now cause almost all of the people i know who reads my blog are from tabulas. :| haha. Well, it's okay I guess, I don't really care about it. :)
~~~
I've talked to one of my aunties. I'm so happy :) It's so sad that she had 2 operations in a day. That's just so... eek. Well at least, she's recovering now :)
~~~
I hate my dad's office... mates. :| They are just so useless. My dad was supposed to go to China this week but then his papers weren't made ready by their human resources. SHIT. Yun nga trabaho niyo di niyo pa magawa ng maayos. And because of that, my dad did all the stuffSSSS needed to be done. But then again, it was too late na pala. HMM. Hayy. Some people are just wayyyy inconsiderate.
~~~
Gonna go to Art Pintura tomorrow. It's my sister's painting class. My parents told me to come with them so I can get to learn for free. Haha. I think it would be fun :) I just don't like the fact that I'm gonna be a bystander. :)) Or whatever that term should be.
~~~
I miss Super Junior. And F4. I really do. It's like just by watching them brings such happiness to me cause I don't get to watch them often already. Hayy. Lord, in Your time, I'm gonna see them in person, right? :)